Episode 5: Shattered Perfection {Brendon}

INTO THE NOTHING

LEAVE ME AT THE BOTTOM WHERE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT

As quickly as their lips had met one another’s—they were separated as another person suddenly entered their dorm room. Both he and Joshua’s attention immediately jerked toward the male. Brendon’s heart continued to relentlessly hammer within his chest as he filled with embarrassment and horror—while his roommate, Joshua, instantly filled with rage.

Joshua removed himself from his bed and began to throw the covers over him, but Brendon unconsciously was already sitting up. His head pounded and a loud ringing went off in his ears while his emotions continued to skyrocket. Wh—What the hell had they been doing…!?

“Get out!” Joshua bellowed at the other male and didn’t hesitate to aggressively approach him. The dark haired teen managed to say a couple of things about this being his dorm and proving it by showing the key—but ultimately he was kicked out and the door was slammed on him.

What the hell? Brendon’s facial expression hardened and his hand coiled into a fist, grasping tightly onto the blanket that had been thrown over him. Who the hell was that? Why had they had a key? What did he mean this was his room? The tirade of thoughts caused his gut to twist in a sickening way. He needed to take a moment to catch his breath and calm down.

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INTO THE NOTHING

LEAVE ME AT THE BOTTOM WHERE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT

Joshua turned to face him from where he stood at the end of the hallway. The sight of him and his emerald gaze brought Brendon back to the reality of… what had just happened between them. “Are you all right?” Joshua asked him and Brendon could clearly hear the concern within his deep voice.

“Wh—When I had said to… d-do ‘whatever’,” Brendon began slowly although he was still too shaken and embarrassed to look at his roommate. Instead his gaze had fallen down to the bed before him. “That wasn’t… a part of what I was suggesting.”

BRENDON & JOSHUA || outfit: LINK

INTO THE NOTHING

LEAVE ME AT THE BOTTOM WHERE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT

“You should have chosen your words more carefully then.”

Brendon couldn’t fight the embarrassment that had come over him. He felt weak-willed the longer he stood beside the bed with his gaze downcast and his cheeks burning. Thoughts and images of what Joshua had begun… k-kept taunting him. His heart was stirred and continued to pound within his chest… because he couldn’t shake the reality of what had transpired between them. How… How dare Joshua… do something like that…

“Then… I will reiterate now,” He cautiously spoke up in return, but his gaze still remained riveted to the floor. “You can choose to treat me however you want. But… wh… what you did… o-on the bed…—”

Brendon’s heart clenched and he had to force himself to bluntly say the damn thing. He needed to stop avoiding the subject and just say it already! “Anything sexual or—o-or romantic, or whatever, i-is off limits!” He managed to say in a rush, throwing all of the words out there quickly before he could falter.

BRENDON & JOSHUA || outfit: LINK

INTO THE NOTHING

LEAVE ME AT THE BOTTOM WHERE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT

“No.” Joshua’s sharp reply cut through the air and caused Brendon’s heart to skip a beat. He couldn’t get a hold of himself. But, he needed to. He needed to shut all of these emotions away!—Brendon’s breath caught within his throat and a harsh breath made it past his lips as he suddenly found himself being grabbed onto and jerked forward. His heart went wild—it wouldn’t slow down and it was making him so angry! Get a grip! Stop acting this way…!

“There is no reiteration. Your fate with me has been sealed and I’ll never give up what I’ve been given,” Joshua demanded and Brendon fought to find himself from within all of the emotions swallowing him whole. He wanted to protect himself. He wanted to steel his heart, steel himself and everything to do with him—but he couldn’t. He couldn’t and it was so frustrating!

Brendon’s breathing had picked up somewhat as Joshua’s nearness and the reminder of what had happened continued to plague him. He purposely kept his gaze lowered and away from his roommate—but none of it seemed to stop him. Joshua wrapped his arms tightly around him and brought him against his body in a firm embrace. An embrace that caused Brendon’s heart to beat even quicker, caused his temperature to grow even hotter. The sheer amount of embarrassment raging through him made him light-headed.

But, Joshua’s warm and very real body was… w-was… addicting. No—He needed to fight this. He needed to fight these emotions. He had to overcome them instead of being lost in this damned… s-sexual… haze or… w-whatever it was. J-Joshua was purposely doing it to him…! M—Maybe it was still part of the game!

“N-No, there will be new rules,” Brendon argued with him and tried to sound fierce but mingling with his hardened tone was also his breathlessness and emotions. He sounded so foreign to even his own ears.

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INTO THE NOTHING

LEAVE ME AT THE BOTTOM WHERE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT

Before he could speak, before he could try and deny Joshua, his roommate spoke up once more to only further embarrass him: “I intend on kissing you again, Bren…” He revealed to him, his voice low and self-assured. The promise behind those words immediately caused Brendon’s gaze to slightly widen. His heart skipped a beat within his chest—and he quickly tried to clamp down over his damned emotions.

“But that’ll have to wait… until I’m certain we aren’t interrupted again.”

How had this happened? How had things progressed to where they were now? Why was he in this predicament—firmly held in place against Joshua’s chest with him talking of… o-of kissing him more…! Wh—What the hell…!

“I—I won’t let you,” He stumbled out far less gracefully than he had wanted. After the words had tumbled from his lips, Brendon quickly pressed them firmly together. His brows drew down and he grew angry and frustrated at himself for sounding so… damnably… affected.

BRENDON & JOSHUA || outfit: LINK

INTO THE NOTHING

LEAVE ME AT THE BOTTOM WHERE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT

T-To further infuriate him, Joshua tightened his hold around him in order to bring him even closer into th-their ‘embrace’. Wh—Why the hell was he just… standing here and allowing it…!? Brendon attempted once more to regain control of himself as well as his emotions. He was already sick and tired of being embarrassed, of being a stumbling, muttering, idiot…! He wasn’t going to do it! He was going to shove those damn emotions away and be unaffected, dammit!

“I know… but I’ll also never listen.”

Brendon sucked in a sharp breath and braced himself. He was going to act now. He didn’t need to think, he didn’t need to listen, he didn’t need to be affected by anything. Just. Act. Brendon attempted to pull away from him. He brought both of his hands up to push at his roommate’s chest. He wasn’t going to allow this… to get the better of him. He was going to fight. He wasn’t going to let Joshua use him like this. He was certain this was all just a stupid game—one he was currently miserably losing.

BRENDON & JOSHUA || outfit: LINK

INTO THE NOTHING

LEAVE ME AT THE BOTTOM WHERE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT

To his surprise, Joshua allowed him to escape his embrace. As Brendon pushed at his roommate the firm hold around him loosened and he easily slipped from his grasp. The feeling that settled into him afterward was… difficult… and he shoved it aside. Joshua had… played with him enough today and he wasn’t going to allow this to continue any further than it had. He… He would put a stop to it.

Brendon took in one slow breath after another as Joshua spoke up to lightly taunt him over his belated attempt at getting out of this entire situation. His roommate’s statement made him angry—because it was true. He had stood there and allowed Joshua to hold him for a prolonged amount of time before he had actually gathered himself enough to draw back.

Dammit… What was wrong with him? Was this what normal people went through? Did they have these sort of feelings pouring into them at any given moment completely screwing with their mind? He had never experienced his sexuality until now. He supposed he was a… late bloomer. It pissed him off. He didn’t want these damn hormones. He had been better off without them.

Brendon’s attention soon drew to the front door of their dorm when a sharp succession of knocks sounded from the other side. A male voice spoke up directly afterward: “I am entering the room,” The male warned and the jingle of keys sounded after followed by the click of the door unlocking.

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