Episode 4: Endless Possibilities {Joshua}

       
        ᴅᴀʏ 2 |  12:00ᴀᴍ  |  ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏ sᴋɪᴇs

Joshua heard Bren returning to the bathroom…and the moment the door closed he quickly reached out to jerk open the patio door. His body trembled as he closed the glass door behind him and felt the icy wind embracing his form. However…his desires wouldn’t cease…

His body remained persistently attentive to what he had seen and it caused his temper to flare up.  His want for Bren wouldn't leave and he hated it...

A cold wind blew harshly against him…but he welcomed the feeling. Only the cold could provide him with relief.

       
        ᴅᴀʏ 2 |  12:00ᴀᴍ  |  ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏ sᴋɪᴇs

Joshua had scolded Bren for getting himself wet and becoming sick. Yet here he was…in the dead of night bracing the cold temperature. But he wouldn’t leave. He stayed there on the patio with his bare feet and sleep ware. His body shivered involuntarily as he felt the goose bumps rising along his body.

He had released himself and was now pressing his arms down firmly against the railing as he stared down at the wet ground. The rain had stopped…but Joshua hardly noticed.

His mind instead…was on the fact that Bren had clearly disobeyed him. He had purposely left the bathroom to spite him…and in turn…caused him to become aroused…

Joshua inhaled deeply as his gaze twisted into a dark glare. That boy knew of his jealousy, his want for his company…and his attraction to him. He…knew everything and…used all of it against him. The game was no longer enjoyable for him. He had been exposed in ways he never wanted to show another person.

He had no control over himself or this situation…and Bren knew that…he knew it all…

       
        ᴅᴀʏ 2 |  12:00ᴀᴍ  |  ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏ sᴋɪᴇs

Joshua exhaled and trembled as the cold bit into his exposed skin. He slowly drew away from the railing and stared down at himself. He had practically frozen himself out here…and still…his feelings wouldn't leave him. Joshua’s mouth twitched as his expression twisted into a scowl and he finally turned to enter their bedroom.

Bren wanted this…he wanted to humiliate him but Joshua wouldn’t give him any more damned satisfaction. He briefly looked to the bathroom before making his way towards his desk to retrieve the jeans he had changed out of. Within seconds he had slipped them on…grabbed his keys and headed out the door with his jacket and shoes.

       
        ᴅᴀʏ 2 |  12:00ᴀᴍ  |  ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏ sᴋɪᴇs

Joshua’s gaze remained callous as he moved through the hallway. There were a few students he passed, but he ignored their presence entirely. He held such a hate for his body and the emotions that kept overpowering everything. Bren had won their little game more than once today and he had every intention to get him back. That boy had once again pushed him too far…and he would pay. But for now…Joshua was angry enough that he didn’t want anything to do with his roommate.

Joshua’s features remained taut as he shoved open a metal door that conjoined the dormitory and another hallway. He was headed towards the cafeteria and had no intention of returning to his room for a long time.

The large eating area was adorned with tables, plenty of windows and some vending machines. A student was currently buying themselves a drink when they spotted him but they quickly averted their attention as they grabbed their item and left. Joshua continued through the eating area until he was standing before one of the large windows that overlooked the school’s entrance.

He stood there for a long while glaring at his reflection and the night sky beyond that. But soon he lowered to rest on the ledge of the window.

Bren tried to enter his mind…but Joshua shut out any thoughts of him. In this moment he wanted nothing to do with his roommate. He wouldn’t waste a single breath or thought on his existence.

       
        ᴅᴀʏ 2 |  12:00ᴀᴍ  |  ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏ sᴋɪᴇs

He wanted the world to stop…for time to momentarily stand still and allow him time to pull himself from all of this…madness. All of this…felt exhausting. His expression dulled as he rested there alone. His reaction hadn’t been normal. It had been…far too perverse. Joshua had thought he had known himself more than anyone but everything that had happened today was showing him how little he understood himself… His emerald gaze hardened as that thought irritated him but his eyes soon closed as he rested in the darkness.

Everything connected to that boy…

Joshua opened his eyes as that thought entered his mind and the anger from before returned. Why did that boy hold such power over him?

No one…controlled him…

A light sigh escaped him as he closed his eyes once more. His thoughts continued… but his exhaustion eventually took hold of him. His breathing slowed as he remained motionless against the windows ledge. He could hear the distant howling of the wind…but no other sounds reached him.

       
        ᴅᴀʏ 2 |  12:00ᴀᴍ  |  ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏ sᴋɪᴇs

‘Joshua…’

The sound of his voice…echoing through the air broke him from the light sleep Joshua had unconsciously fallen into. His emerald gaze opened as he searched the area expectantly.  When he was met with no one…he felt disappointed. It had been nothing but a dream… The thought caused him to smile mockingly as he looked up towards the black sky.

Bren wouldn’t come because…Joshua was the only one lost to this insanity. His roommate had his own problems…clearly…but they were nothing compared to his own.

He was obsessed with a boy he had only just met today. It was insane. But it was his reality and one that he needed to keep to himself. No more games… He couldn’t win anything against that stranger because he was the one who had lost his mind. Joshua didn’t know the reasoning behind Bren’s actions, but he could understand his own now.

He didn’t have clear answers…but he did know for certain that couldn’t carry on like this. He needed to get his new found obsession under control before he did something that he would forever regret.

What would have happened if Bren had remained outside of the bathroom? Would he have stayed away?

He knew the answer…and it caused his stomach to tense uncomfortably. That was a path he didn’t want to take…

Bren…

Brendon…wasn't and never would be his property and the fact…that he wanted that…would need to be locked away. He needed to hide that darker part of himself before it destroyed him.

But that didn’t mean…he wanted to separate from his roommate. No…he wanted his company and would have to learn to be satisfied…with just…that… But that also meant he would need to…smooth things over between them. This immediately caused Joshua to become irritated…but he silenced his temper and sealed his decision. He was uncertain just how well he’d handle his…yearning…but he was determined to end this cycle.

He couldn’t win… and he couldn’t have what he wanted…so why indulge?

“Here…” a low whisper could be heard between two students that were standing within the hallway. Normally…Joshua would have ignored them but what they were exchanging caught his interest.

Alcohol…

A substance used to dull the mind…

The two students parted as one entered their room and the other began walking in the direction of Joshua. The male looked to him with an indifferent expression and would have continued on his way…had Joshua not spoken to him.

“How much?”

He could see the slight shocked within the other’s features, but that easily faded as he paused and began conducting just another business exchange.

“Twenty bucks,” the student replied and waited for his payment while keeping an eye on the hallway for the schools security guard. Joshua wasted no time with the other’s company as he withdrew his dark brown leather wallet and gave him the money.

“Happy drinking,” the male replied plainly after he gave him a small whiskey bottle and was soon continuing on his way. Joshua’s emerald gaze rested on the golden brown liquid and he wondered just how well it would sooth his mind. His grip against the plastic bottle tightened as he brought his gaze towards his dorm room and began moving forward to enter.